Daddy.
In February, I lost my Daddy.
I miss him. We all miss him.
I want him back. I want him to walk into this room and exasperate me with his fondness for starting a conversation in the middle.
I can't deal with the grief. I can't find the start of it, it is always here all over me. I feel completely blocked up by it and I haven't had a thought or said something that felt right at all since he went away.
[Daddy Holly and Jesse '89]
Sometimes I find that there is nothing to hold onto. Sometimes the remembering of his bravery during extended periods of abject suffering fills me up. When cancer takes your life, it takes it cruelly apart, piece by piece.
I'm hoping that writing this little bit is somewhere to start and will help me to unblock myself and maybe I can have real thoughts again.
I want to remember him.
Have you ever lost a parent?
posted by hollypop at
9:43 PM
Hollypop: Melbourne/Sydney. Glutard. Digs big hair/reading/skiing/chocolate mousse and gardening in her pyjamas.
Getting a puppy soon!!
33 Comments:
I am so sorry for your loss! I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. I know everyone says things will get better with time, but I think with something like this they never truly get better. Unfortunately, he will never come back. But the truth is that you get through it. It's hard, but you are strong and you will get through it. And the whole time he will be watching over you, he will be so proud of you, and most of all, he will be loving you! Sending you lots of positive vibes xx
I'm so sorry :(
(hugs)
I haven't lost a parent and I wouldn't know how to deal with it either.
Just be kind to yourself... and remember that nothing is wrong or right when it comes to feelings. x
Oh Horry, I didn't realise....
I haven't been in your shoes and can't say to you that I know how you feel, but I do send you all my love and and support through this difficult time.
Hold on to those fond memories H xx
Oh you poor thing. One of my bestie's fathers recently had a heart attack & it made me realise how fragile life is (even though I'm a doctor & I see it every day! I'm very good & dissociating...), I don't know what I'd do if I lost one of my parents, thinking of you & sending lots of hugs your way x
Ohh Holly. I am sorry and offering my deepest condolences. I was wondering where you had been. I haven't lost a parent, but my mum is pretty bad and I don't think I'll have her around for as long as I want her to be.
Just keeping chugging along. You'll be right. It is tough but one step in front of the other.
I can't imagine what that's like to through.
Do talk/blog it out though, anything that helps you remember and pass on his memory has to help xxx
So sorry for your loss...I can imagine how you must feel. I think talking about anything is the best way of starting to heal and also acknowledging that you are sad is a good way to start to feel better... x x
oh sweets you poor thing. my bestie lost her mummy when we were 18 and it was horrible, but i cannot imagine what it feels like first hand. i have nothing worthy to contribute other than hug little popsicle tight xx
I'm so sorry Holly. There aren't any words to make it easier for those left behind except knowing how lucky you were to have such an amazing person in your life. Your Dad continues to exist through you and your love and memories of him. Sending big hugs to you x
I am so sorry for your loss hun. I have not lost a parent, the very thought makes me tear up - can only begin to imagine the world of pain you are in. Thinking of you xx
I'm so sorry to hear this news Holly... I can't imagine how you feel, I've never lost a parent, only grandparents and a favourite Uncle and that was hard enough.
that's so sad Holly, I feel upset just reading this post & i honestly cannot even imagine how you feel, or how you're still standing.
:(
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. xxx *hugs*
One of my good friend's dad died of cancer late last year and it was absolutely awful and heartbreaking .. but I can't even fathom what it would be like to lose your own parent ..
Grief is a different journey for everyone. Do you have someone you can go and talk to? I hope it gets better - I'll be thinking of you. xxx
Hello Holly,
I am a long term reader but haven't ever commented before. I am so sorry for your loss & i know it wont make you feel any better, only time will :) you seem like such a strong girl & will come through this !
Much love xx
I lost my dad when I was 16, Im now 22.. In time the pain heals and you find strength within yourself to carry on but it takes time and no one can tell you when that time is, just know your dad is there watching down on you xx
HP, I'm sorry about your loss. I must be so hard to loose a parent so early. Damn cancer!! What about watching old family videos and looking through photo albums with your sibling(s)?
XOXO
i have not lost a parent. i am incredibly fearful of losing my dad. i can't even think about it w/o wanting to throw up sometimes. holly, i am so incredibly sorry for your loss. cancer is a bitch. i lost an aunt to it a couple of years ago. you're right, it rips everything apart. it isn't fucking fair. i hope you can begin letting yourself feel and heal. we're all here for you my dear.
I'm really sorry about your Dad Holly - I have no idea what this feels like. I've been estranged from my parents since I was a child - about 20 years now, tho I still have some sort of struggling relationship with my Dad. All I can say to you is that it is obvious from the way you write about your Dad that he loved you very much and he was a good father. Not everyone has that, so hold on to the memory of that love and be brave -- you'll always feel a bit sad & wistful, but that's OK...that's just how love can feel sometimes. BIG HUGS!
Chiquita bonita we love you x
holly :(
I have no idea what to say, but I'm here if you ever want to talk xx
I am so so sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time lovely. I have lost a close friend years ago but I know losing a parent must be 10 million times harder because they are such a huge and irreplaceable part of your life. Let me know if there is anything I can do, anything at all! <3 xxx
oh holly! tears. I feel for you. You were coming down to the peninsula a lot...oh boy. awful. so unfair. So sorry, lovely. 4 years on and I am only just (in the last couple of weeks) starting to be able to say david's name and feel happy (sometimes). that sounds depressing but I'm really just wanting to say do whatever you need to do to get by. Sleep, walk outside, eat soup, be with family and friends, think about, don't think about it (that's what I did), hug your pup. You'll get there. Time helps. So sorry for your loss.
Heidi xo
I've lost a parent, but I don't think I can even imagine what you're going through (I was too young to know my mother as a person). People are right when they say time heals, as corny and uncomforting as it sounds. You're still going to have some really bad days in the future where the grief completely consumes you. But just try to remember that although it hurts now, someday it won't. I feel so sad that you have to go through this. Words are so useless at a time like this. I'm glad you have a brand new popsy to cuddle though! And I'll always be around if you ever want to chat. I didn't get on the internet the past couple of days so I didn't see this until now :[ Take care, honey.
I am so sorry to hear about your loss Holly. I bet he was awesome, just like you. :) <333
So sorry and sad that this has happened. I lost my dad to cancer too.
I've sent you an email, if you don't get it, let me know.
Holly, that broke my heart. Love to you xox
Oh Holly I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've not lost a parent so I don't know how to deal with It , or what advice to give, even thinking about it makes me teary.
Deal with everyday as it comes, how ever you need too.
Hugs xo
Oh Holly I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've not lost a parent so I don't know how to deal with It , or what advice to give, even thinking about it makes me teary.
Deal with everyday as it comes, how ever you need too.
Hugs xo
Don't be blue... I lover you!!!!
It does get better with time... I promise.... Not to say you don't ever forget.
Sigh
xox
I'm so sorry to hear this. I've not lost a parent but I lost the man who was almost a surrogate father a few years ago. Its ok to be this sad. I know that the words of others can seem so hollow but I really hope that you're ok and that this will get better for you xoxo
I'm so sorry, Holly. It sounds like you loved him deeply. Cherish that love because nothing can ever take that away from you. In time you'll find the strength to remember him with a smile. Until then it's just a natural grieving process. Take care, hun.
I lost my dad in 2009. The grief you feel is acute and unique and your own and no words can ever placate it. Your heart breaks and sometimes you feel like it may never heal, and maybe it doesn't. Maybe you just adjust to having a broken heart. It gets easier because you just have to keep living. Because you're alive after all, and he's not. And that would be the greatest insult to his legacy. I mean you feel like you died inside but you didn't. Not really. You'll die another time. Not today. So you keep living and you do your best to instil all the best parts of him into your life going forward, so in a way, he lives on in you and in your actions and that's how you remember. It's not holding onto memories or photographs - they help, but you use the very best of him to be the very best you. It's what he would have wanted.
xo
Holly I had no idea. I am so sorry :(
I know this is so so so late but I truly am :(
I hope you are okay Miss.
- KK
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